And I write a letter from a one-way train..

I like going out and dancing.

I like music and New York.

I like telling you how much I love you and assuring your enjoyable appearance.

I like getting lost and ending up in the ghetto.

I like saying "this bar sucks, the one last Friday was better"

I like going home to a home thats not my home at 3:30 in the morning.

I like it all.

But what makes me so special?

I feel kind of bad because when something like this happeneds...it should really affect you.
But I mean, it didnt feel like it use to nor did was it better or worse.
It was satisfying.

But I still don't want it to expand into something more...

Also, now that I've gotten accepted into UNO...
I feel like I should apply at other places too!
Oh college.

I need vacation.
This is going to be a hard week without FB.

PS
I would KILL for a day with Nicky.
KILL.

so, I got in to UNO.
I guess I feel accomplished because thats weight lifted off my shoulders.

But today was just so hard...
Its hard to be happy when youre just so sad.

Why couldnt I stop crying?
And why did she make it worse?
And why havent I apologized?

Good little girls never show it.

I don't know how long I can resist temptation!

Oh the compliments that come in large increments. It's ridiculous.
But hey, why not. Its gotta be fun while it last, right?

Last night Katie and I went out.
I feel like I really let my hair down and let the 5 or 6 drinks I had, really just...
take control.
It was really interesting and it felt like a special occasion.
No lie, I want to make it a habit.
But I forsureeeeeee saw some people that make feel uncomfortable about returning to school.

Morning after sucks like a biotch.
But it was more so the WHOLE DAY after.
I felt bad alllllllllllllllll day, livejournal
Achy and upset and tired and completely a step behind the game.
Worked and yelled and pulled through by holding tight.

Went to sleep for like an hour.
Met up with Alex, went back to Canes, met up with Alex, went back to Canes.
Not even exaggerating.
Then me and Patrick spent about an hour or two laughing in his car and then we pushed his car in neautral allllllllllllllllllll they way around Canes.
But only because we wanted to.
And it was SO EFFING FUNNY.
I LOVE Patrick.
More than the majority of my best friends.

Honestly, I feel more comfortable with him than anyone else.
And he gets me.
I would be missing alot if I'd never met him.

This is a mess.
I can't predict the weather past the storm.

Oh so NOW everyone wants to hit it?
The heckkkkkkkk? Boys are jumping down my throat lately.
I can't say I don't enjoy it...but really. Its just odd.
"Thank GOD ya'll broke up. He didnt deserve a girl who is ANYTHING like you."
and then the now famous quote
"WTF UGLY PEOPLE SHOULDNT HAVE SEX"

Things are getting slightly better, I suppose. I mean, I'm basically getting happier.
Friends suck sometimes, but theres time to grow bonds.

Sure I'm procrastinating, but I'll catch up.
To you its not so clear...but its clear to me.
Clear as glass.

I'm taking this whole "I'm only one person" thing pretty well lately.
Its hard and its different, you know, but its really working but and I really like it.
I still believe I made the right choice, I still believe that there could possibly be a future.
But right now, where things are going, I can't stand much more pressure.
So I'm cutting things down.

Today I didn't feel like attending school, so we didn't go.
Well, I went. But just to vote and turn in my binder that was barely finished.
I walked off campus and went to Maddies.
Mall time with best friends.
Laughing and driving.

Then Jesse and I went to get sushi and then went to the park and played volleyball.
It was going great until I got a headache that would have messed up my whole night...
But they put my on drive through board! I mean, I don't love it...but I felt AWESOME.
They kept saying how good I was doing...I NEVER do board...
:}

After work, I talked to God.
And I'm pretty sure we've understood each other from the beginning...
but I think I straightened some things up.
I will never deny my belief in God, livejournal.
Thats a promise.

I write in fear the end is coming soon.

Lifes hard.

Ryan and I got in a fight today.
Jesse and I hung out today.
I learned the true Lenis today.
Zack smacked my booty so hard, I nearly cryed today.
The voice teacher said I did good today.
I sang in front of small audiences today.
I proved my skill to Tony today.
Dear Jack was in my throat today.
It rained today.
School work was procrastinated today.

Nothing happened today.

I don't know much, but I know I have a few people in my life that are wiser than myself.

I know its hard, but I will wait.

HOLD.
TIGHT.

Since we broke up, I kissed someone else, I met a new boy who seems to really like me, I spoke without thinking, I drove without destination, and I had time for the most important person in my life.
Myself.
Sometimes I get so sick of explaining myself. Listen to Madonna and figure it out.
Do you know what it feels like in this world for a girl?

Working every day. School in the morning. Drinking and drinking and drinking.
And yelling and singing and fighting.
Swinging the trapeze and sleeping on the floor.

You grew up and you sparkled...so why don't you care?